The Daily Horror Story

It starts out as a peaceful Sunday morning. It is still dark, as the sun is just beginning to make it's appearance in the early morning sky. A man and a woman lay in their bed, sleeping soundly. Suddenly, the couple hears a rustling from the room across the hall. A door creaks and squeaks as it opens, slowly. Footsteps thump throughout the upstairs. The man gets up and locks the bedroom door, and barricades it with a laundry hamper. The footsteps get closer. The couple does their best not to make a sound while cowering in their bed. Slowly, the knob on their bedroom door starts to turn back and forth, and the sound of pounding fists echoes throughout the room. Inexplicably, the lock on the door fails and it pushes open just an inch or two, still blocked by the laundry hamper. A hand reaches through the crack, flailing about wildly as the door continues to push the laundry hamper farther and farther into the room. When the door opens half a foot, a small figure slips into the room. The couple issues a collective groan of despair as all hope of continued sleep is dashed. "GOOD MORNING MOMMY, GOOD MORNING DADDY!!"

Another day begins....

Turkey Sausage, Lentil and Rice Casserole

During my hiatus from blog-writing, I've decided to get healthier and take the power back in my life. I'll be the first to admit that over these last few years I've begun to let myself go- not just physically, but emotionally as well. I can't lay the blame for that solely on having a child, because it started before that, but it ends here. So part of my attempt to recover my former self is to join Weight Watchers again. I had some success with it in the past, and years ago it helped me lose 20 lbs. So far I'm down about 10, with about 40 more to go. Crazy thing is, I actually lost all the baby weight, and then some (thank you gallstones!) but after having my gallbladder removed I gained a lot of it back.

Joining Weight Watchers has led me to revamp some of my favorite recipes to be healthier and "program friendly". One of my all time favorite is Sausage, Lentil, and Rice Casserole, which already wasn't too terrible except for the sausage. The original recipe wasn't mine, I found multiple versions of it on the internet. I've modified it to make it healthier and it honestly tastes the same as the original (I swear, even the Husband agreed)! Plus it's super easy and relatively quick. So here it is:

Ingredients:

1lb Hot (or Sweet) Italian Turkey Sausage, removed from casings
2 tsp. olive oil
1/2 dried lentils, rinsed
1/2 brown rice, uncooked
2 cups fat-free, low-sodium chicken broth
2 cups water
1 green bell pepper (or red, if you prefer), chopped
1 medium yellow onion, chopped


Directions:

In a large pan, heat olive oil and crumble sausage into pan. If using a non-stick pan, the oil can be omitted. Cook thoroughly. While sausage is cooking, begin precooking the brown rice in 1 cup of water (about 15 minutes). After sausage is cooked through, remove from pan. Add onion and pepper to pan and saute until tender, scraping any browned bits from the bottom of the pan as you cook. Add sausage back to pan, and add the chicken broth, the other 1 cup water, lentils and precooked rice (with its water) into the pan. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes or until lentils and rice are cooked and liquid is mostly absorbed. Makes 4 servings.

Alterations: You can also cut the sausage into chunks if you prefer. To make this casserole into a soup instead, simply add more water and/or chicken broth as needed. Enjoy!

Typical Conversation with My 3 Year Old

This is a verbatim conversation I had with The Climber today. It's pretty representative of just about every conversation we have.

Him: "Mommy?"

Me: "Yes dear?"

Him: "Mommy?"

Me: "What is it honey?"

Him: "Um, Mommy?"

Me: "What?"

Him (angrily): "Mommy why aren't you answering me?!?"

Me: "Because you didn't say anything yet."

Him: "Oh, I forgot. Um, Mommy?"

Me: "What?"

Him: "Um, I have to ask you something."

Me: "Ok, what do you need to ask me?"

Him: "Mommy?"

Me (exasperated): "WHAT IS IT?"

Him: (Insert random thing that he wants to tell me, finally)


Repeat about 25 times a day. And my husband wonders why I've lost the ability to communicate coherently by the time he gets home from work. 

We got a new pet!

Back in the fall, we had promised The Climber a fish for Christmas if he kept being a good boy. Then come Christmas, we forgot... and shockingly, so did The Climber! Until last Thursday that is, when he suddenly remembered and got really upset. A promise is a promise after all, so off to the pet store we went! He was allowed to pick out any fish he wanted, provided it was a betta. Behold!

I formally present the newest addition to our family- Blue Blue You! You can guess who named him, and yes he is, in fact, blue. But I'm really in no position to make fun of The Climber's pet naming skills, because when I was little I had a parakeet named Parakeet. It must be hereditary!

The Ultimate Blog Party 2013!!

I'm relatively new to the whole blog-o-sphere thing, so I was really excited to find out about the 2013 Ultimate Blog Party over at 5 Minutes for Mom. As a SAH parent who was once a lawyer, it's really easy to go a little stir crazy staying at home with a 3.5 year old all day long!

So here we go. My name is Lauren, and I used to be a lawyer (sort of) before quitting my job in 2011 to stay at home with my son, The Climber. I started this blog as a way of keeping my sanity, using my brain for something other than configuring Thomas train track layouts, and connecting with other parents who also may be just a little bit lonely while at home with their kids. I had originally intended this blog to talk about non-child related things as well, and with any luck I'll get to that eventually. So far, it seems I've become the stereotypical parent who writes about nothing but parenting. Hopefully, my blog will at least provide you with a laugh, even if it's just a chuckle of commiseration! So come on in and say hello, and if you want to leave a link to your blog as well, feel free. I'm always looking for new blogs to read in the moments that I'm not playing Legos and trains!

I have become a cliche...

I swore I'd never let my kid watch TV, and now it's on for hours each day. I've licked my finger to wipe crud off my kid's face. My sleeve/hair/face has been used as a tissue. I don't always get to shower. I can't pee or poop with the door closed. I continue to listen to the Phineas and Ferb soundtrack even when my kid is no longer in the car. I see Thomas train track layouts when I close my eyes. I'm the freaking room parent for my kid's class. I buy all these crafts for The Climber but usually only end up doing about half of them. I swore I'd never take him to McDonald's, but it's now his favorite restaurant. I've judged other moms for something, as I'm sure I've been judged. I've been that parent in Target with the crying child. I have a "Mommy Blog". My house often looks like a Toys R Us exploded inside it. I've taken my kid on "playdates". I've been known to sanitize the communal trains at Barnes and Noble with wipes before The Climber touches them. I have "mom jeans" (though I try not to wear them outside). I feel like a horrible parent when I have to bring The Climber out in public with any visible (if self-inflicted) injury. My clothes usually have something spilled on them by the end of the day. Glitter is a banned substance in my house. I still check on The Climber before bed to make sure he's still breathing.

The list goes on and on.

I have become a cliche. But you know what? That's alright. Because I wouldn't have it any other way.

Toddler Rules to Live By

I know this has been done before, but I have a few more rules to add to the various lists already circling the internet.


Toddler Rules to Live By
 
1) I will not walk, but run (or bounce) everywhere we go. Unless we are in a rush or late, in which case I will walk as slowly as possible, making sure to examine everything I pass in excruciating detail.

2) I will never want to willingly use the potty. Except at bedtime once the whole bedtime routine has been completed and Mommy/Daddy is about to walk out the door.

3) I will always answer every question with "NO" and it is up to my parents to figure out when I really mean "yes" but say "no" anyway. And I will have a tantrum if they have trouble distinguishing between the two.

4) The middle of the floor and/or where people frequently walk is the best place to set up Legos, trains, blocks, etc. My creations are not to be moved. Ever.

5) I will never love the same food two days in a row. Except for Happy Meals. Good luck planning dinner.

6) I will always say "Mommy" (or "Daddy") 15 times in a row before getting to what I actually want to tell you.

7) When I say I have to tell you something, it's really important. I swear I'm not just stalling.

8) I will constantly surprise you with things you didn't know I knew how to do. Like using the key to open the front door and escape outside, or turning on Daddy's laptop and watching Thomas movies on You Tube.

9) Pants are optional. So is underwear. Actually, let's just make that all clothes in general.

10) Anything that I give you (random rocks, interesting sticks, this calcified piece of dog poop I just found) is a priceless treasure that you must keep forever.